Give me snakes on a plane ANYDAY!
So if I had to chose between what I am going through now.. or fighting a plane full of snakes.. I'd choose the snakes anyday!
So SG dropped a bomb today.. we are downsizing our relationship to save it. Its funny.. I was under the impression things were getting better every day. Sure its a long road but I was once more getting hopeful as to the outcome being good. Now.. I find out that she is deciding if our relationship is healthy or not. It all comes as a surprise as she prefers working things out as to what to say. This tends to leave me in a defensive stance with the suddeness of said announcement. All I can do is be less defensive. So its casual now. What that entails is.. talking less, don't expect at least one date a week.. maybe once a week.. maybe once a month I am not sure.
I am right now just taking this all in eating wendy's chili.. not bad stuff..anyways.. back on topic. I guess I will learn as I go. I can tell you how I feel however. From the moment she told me to now.. from the start I was surprised, wounded, defensive, freaked out, anger, worry, alot of different things. Now.. I am calmer.. worried and freaked out a bit.. but oh so tired. I am not sure about my life. I got dependant on her.. I let myself.. I opened myself up to be that way with her. In then end that overwhelmed her, its happened before.. I just thought I was doing well. Not as well as I thought I was doing thats for sure.
SG basically wants to use that time for other things. She never stated what precisely but I guess seeing more people, friends, house cleaning, other activities. I fear becoming lost and forgotten. It hurts to love her right now because I want to be so close especially now, but I know thats exactly what she doesn't want right now. I fear this never changing.. or worse that I do lose everything entirely. Reasonable? maybe. I just feel so alone right now. Things with P are on the rocks as well but improving. I don't think she's capable of poly but she's warming alot to the idea. So thats about the only thing going for me right now it seems. SG doesn't want our feelings to change and I don't want them to either but.. I wasn't born yesterday. I know there is a chance this distancing can change our feelings and make us more and more distant. But on the flipside it could give us time to get re-orientated and make us stronger. I'm praying.. and hoping for the latter.
I just feel so vulnerable now. I realize I relied on SG alot. Is that wrong? to me no. I trusted her with my heart and even tho its a bit cut up, its not broken. If I can handle the change from monogamy to poly.. this should be a snap. So far after my initial feelings I have gotten alot better feeling and I am trying to remain hopeful. We will just see what happens next.
Heres to the future. Cheers.
K
So SG dropped a bomb today.. we are downsizing our relationship to save it. Its funny.. I was under the impression things were getting better every day. Sure its a long road but I was once more getting hopeful as to the outcome being good. Now.. I find out that she is deciding if our relationship is healthy or not. It all comes as a surprise as she prefers working things out as to what to say. This tends to leave me in a defensive stance with the suddeness of said announcement. All I can do is be less defensive. So its casual now. What that entails is.. talking less, don't expect at least one date a week.. maybe once a week.. maybe once a month I am not sure.
I am right now just taking this all in eating wendy's chili.. not bad stuff..anyways.. back on topic. I guess I will learn as I go. I can tell you how I feel however. From the moment she told me to now.. from the start I was surprised, wounded, defensive, freaked out, anger, worry, alot of different things. Now.. I am calmer.. worried and freaked out a bit.. but oh so tired. I am not sure about my life. I got dependant on her.. I let myself.. I opened myself up to be that way with her. In then end that overwhelmed her, its happened before.. I just thought I was doing well. Not as well as I thought I was doing thats for sure.
SG basically wants to use that time for other things. She never stated what precisely but I guess seeing more people, friends, house cleaning, other activities. I fear becoming lost and forgotten. It hurts to love her right now because I want to be so close especially now, but I know thats exactly what she doesn't want right now. I fear this never changing.. or worse that I do lose everything entirely. Reasonable? maybe. I just feel so alone right now. Things with P are on the rocks as well but improving. I don't think she's capable of poly but she's warming alot to the idea. So thats about the only thing going for me right now it seems. SG doesn't want our feelings to change and I don't want them to either but.. I wasn't born yesterday. I know there is a chance this distancing can change our feelings and make us more and more distant. But on the flipside it could give us time to get re-orientated and make us stronger. I'm praying.. and hoping for the latter.
I just feel so vulnerable now. I realize I relied on SG alot. Is that wrong? to me no. I trusted her with my heart and even tho its a bit cut up, its not broken. If I can handle the change from monogamy to poly.. this should be a snap. So far after my initial feelings I have gotten alot better feeling and I am trying to remain hopeful. We will just see what happens next.
Heres to the future. Cheers.
K
posted by K at 8:27 PM
4 Comments:
Oh for Pete's sake, get a clue.
Nice. Get a clue? maybe. But I'd rather stick this out. So.. to you? Get a clue and realize that stupid comments like this have no real effect on my decision making process. At least M-I is honest and actually gives a reason to comment negatively. If you had said more then "Get a clue" and put some thought in. you might be better recieved.
man, K... negative me? ;^)
no, seriously: I have no real clue of what is going on between you two... how to know it?
But this is more or less apparent: the thing appears to have started with you having another girl.
after reading SG post (the chat transcript) and this, my feeling (and it is very plausible that I am plain wrong) is that you are being somewhat punished.
Reason?
SG can go rational on the reasons: sex the fist night, not letting her know, bla, bla, bla...
but at the end of the day, you are paying for a choice you made.
Now, as I see it, at the beggining of this mess you handled ir pretty well...
(and I almosr canonized you, remember)
but now you are showing yourself very vulnerable...
...ever heard of pull-push?
With you meeting and having sex with P, you somewhat pulled away... SG pulled away even more and you? well you started pushing and pushing (yeah, your post today is kinda pushy).
And this is making you no good. Maybe you get back to the "old" timetable with SG... but what's the cost for you?
So, I am a student (not an adviser), but let me say this: you have to man-up.
SG is getting a life of her own, and she very much deserves it. You need to have a life of your own. you can not rely on her agreeing to meet you to be happy.
I am not saying you should pull further away, but at least you should stop pushing. Sometimes expressing feelings (or faking them) is a way of pull or push...
what else?
Talking to a (true) friend may help... Talking to Jack, may also help ;^)
hope you are all right and remember:
MAN-UP!
M_I
Very true M-I. It came as a shock and I retreated.. I know what I have to do, Sg and I talked in length about it and well.. I am doing it. things are getting better, I am "Man-ing up" so to speak. I realized too late exactly how dependant I was on SG.. I admit however its because I have little to do and fewer to do it with, hence why I applied so much pressure onto SG. I intend to change that.. with starting into new interests and things I have being putting off. So yes.. things are improving slowly but surely.
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