Ok so far from the K's view..

Basically I was leery about meeting someone new.. it was weird to me. I had tried to talk to a few and pursue one other which actually did not get past the first date (dinner and a movie only don't worry.. there was only a hug and thats all I was willing to give)that bombed due to her assumations. Mainly she thought I wanted something different then what she wanted. Which I did. I wanted poly. She did not know I was poly. (I planned on telling her on our second date. Not drop the bomb at first glance.) Anyways so then I met a female named M and we hung out. Was good.. but then she was offline for a while and I got bored one random night. So I was on www.okcupid.com and well low and behold I see this female whom had an interesting profile and I had seen online quite a few times in the past. I msged her to chat and relieve my boredom (friends ONLY). It was good and eventually she read my pro and noticed I stated I was poly in my profile. We got into discussing that and it was really intellectual. We actually made plans for one day to go for wings as friends. I shall name her P! :P It was then that I discovered her and M were best friends. Small world hey?! So yes.. we didn't go out monday but I did meet her that friday.. with M and we went out to denny's where we all got to watch a short fight. Was funny.. middle of denny's slugfest :P So thats when I met P.. we left and headed back to M's sisters friend place to drop of her sister's friend and that gave us a little bit of time to talk as both had an interest in me. I was very unsure how to proceed and told them both to work it out between themselves as I refused to choose one of the other. I did not want one feeling the lesser on my account. It was good and they dropped me off.. I went to bed and at 5:30-6:00am that morning LOL to tell me they had come to a decision. They decided that P and I would be the better match, and it was so. After ensuring this is what they wanted and that both were happy and so forth (didn't want to step on anyones toes) I returned to my slumbers lol.

Anyways I discussed this all with SG from the start telling her about M to start then P. So she was informed and all was going well. It was all good. Least to me. She did not want to know any details about P and I other then if we had sex, and that I used the proper safety procautions (which I did). So tra la la lol P and I made plans and we hung out for a bit on sunday at my place. My roomate wasn't home yet and I had planned on watching a movie. It was a good first date, we talked and tested the waters a bit. She was very anxious as she has severe anxiety, its to the point she needs medication. So it was slow and alot of talking. It was different then I had before. I liked it. She was even surprised at how comfortable she was with me. I pride myself on allowing women to feel safe, secure and comfortable with me. It is the best compliment I have ever received when I am told out of the blue that they feel safe in my arms. All had went very well. She did not stay long as she was only stopping by on her way home from M's place where she had a slumber party.

We had plans the next day after shopping with SG (which ended up not happening due to circumstances out of our control). We spent time visiting with my roomate and watching some tv before retiring. I will not go into details.. once again we talked alot and tested some waters. She was very comfortable which was strange to her she said. Things progressed and I was shocked at how far it was progressing. Now this is where the confusion of impulse control and thought collide. Here is what my mind thought. Here I am.. eveything is progressing well, we connect very well and there is a serious desire to me it seemed. I thought about SG at that moment. I questioned if I should. In my head however I remembered her words of being comfortable with this all and encouraging me to see others. I asked P if this is really what she wants. I had sat away and looked at her straight in her eyes when I asked this. She said yes. I paused and thought some more before confirming it myself. Thats where I let go and rational thought partially ceased. I contantly asked if she was ok and alright.. etc etc.. it was. It ended of course.. I cuddled and made sure she wasn't feeling used (my worst fear alot of the time.. hence why I am such a huge cuddler!). We fell asleep shortly after talking more. It had been some time since I shared my bed with someone for the entire night. The last was SG and it was wonderful! This time it was good. I had to work the next day so she left by 6:20am and I 5 min before that. Everything was going so well.

The next day I had the b-day party with SG and I was pumped to spend it with her! After spending that night with P I felt the need to be around SG to get grounded. To simply be with her.. She is after all (for lack of a better term) My primary (to me, and P knew this before hand). It was here that through a conversation with another SG divulged her jealousies about my new interest much to my surprise. I was shocked really and asked her why I wasn't informed. She said it was silly and she didn't feel like it was important (AS BEST AS I CAN REMEMBER. COULD BE WRONG THO! MY MEMORY SUCKS! LOL). I had plans of telling SG that night after the party so it worried me a bit. Anyways I did not expect the party to go as long as it did and assumed too much in that SG would spend time with me after (I left earlier then her due to the time and she stayed to continue visiting) when I was leaving I broke the news to her. I did not feel there would be a better time, I knew I was dropping a bit of a bomb but I did not see a way of putting it otherwise. I left a little worried but mostly in good spirits (I was a little weird that night due to separate circumstances but I chose not to think negatively and to be ok with said things).

And so now here we are.. P and I however decided yesterday after discussing it in length that due to upcoming Uni for her.. how difficult its been for her to cease for now our relationship until she became more accepting of polyness and to be better capable of handling the beginning of her studies. I also felt this was prudent to allow SG time to sort her emotions out as well as myself.. as to why I acted so rashly. Time apart is a good thing and I hope and pray that everything sorts out and we can move on stronger and more involved then before. I've learned the lesson of no longer assuming all will be well. Expect the worst, hope for the best. I should have been more thoughtful and not taken my confidence in SG's ability to be ok with this as the gods honest truth. Thats not something I will do again. I'd sooner shoot my own foot then lose SG to my rash and silly decisions.

But I know we will make it through this and become stronger.. I am doing my best at being optimistic as much as possible lol. That is reinforced in the fact that P and SG talked for a bit today and I feel it went very well and both are more confident and more comfortable with each other and the whole situation. I feel very relieved in that. I truly hope both SG and P can become close friends. Even if P and I do not continue our relationship.

Hopefully this gives you all a better P.O.V of what was going through my head at the time. Take care!