What to do but is there much ado?
Well now I was thinking pretty deep thoughts today probably made my day disturbing and a bad day but they were realistic thoughts. Eventually SG will move on find a better and more compatible guy.. its a fact of life. We live we love we move on. Sad but true I know. Now the question is simple. What do I do now? Simple but difficult. I've been basically told SG and I are finito permanenta which is typical, and I could say alot of harsh things. I hate being messed with and my mind tends to take things to seriously at times and input darker thoughts rather then the normal thought patterns I go by.
So now.. should I wait around for a bit or pursue other women? Personally right now part of me really needs someone to lavish my pent up attentions on but the other part wants to stay and wait. Its not uncommon for myself to make up excuses for either paths and make each decision harder then it has to be.. as for this.. it makes it near impossible. Like.. I'm like a wounded bear atm and want to do two things.. lash out or become lost in someones affection and attention. There is so much part of me wants to say but I cannot.. no good will come of it.. I just need to swallow it and move on.. I know I'm no angel either and so I'm sticking to that reasoning.. was it a mistake jumping into this with SG and Jack? Maybe but its one I'd make again and again.. I'd just do alot of things differently..
Now to seek other women? I plan to just be me.. and if they pursue me then so be it.. for those of you that know it.. by saying that basically I'll be single for a very long time heh.. no women knocking eagerly at my door.. Need a shotgun to get a rise for me.
Yah yah yah don't be so hard on yourself.. I know I know but its how I am.. I'm typically overly hard on myself part of the healing process for me? maybe but its just how I am.. I know I'm not perfect but that just makes me push myself further and farther, Emotionally, physically, mentally.
Right now my work is physical and my life is mentally.. emotionally I am dead atm.. except for a sinking feeling of dread.
So now.. should I wait around for a bit or pursue other women? Personally right now part of me really needs someone to lavish my pent up attentions on but the other part wants to stay and wait. Its not uncommon for myself to make up excuses for either paths and make each decision harder then it has to be.. as for this.. it makes it near impossible. Like.. I'm like a wounded bear atm and want to do two things.. lash out or become lost in someones affection and attention. There is so much part of me wants to say but I cannot.. no good will come of it.. I just need to swallow it and move on.. I know I'm no angel either and so I'm sticking to that reasoning.. was it a mistake jumping into this with SG and Jack? Maybe but its one I'd make again and again.. I'd just do alot of things differently..
Now to seek other women? I plan to just be me.. and if they pursue me then so be it.. for those of you that know it.. by saying that basically I'll be single for a very long time heh.. no women knocking eagerly at my door.. Need a shotgun to get a rise for me.
Yah yah yah don't be so hard on yourself.. I know I know but its how I am.. I'm typically overly hard on myself part of the healing process for me? maybe but its just how I am.. I know I'm not perfect but that just makes me push myself further and farther, Emotionally, physically, mentally.
Right now my work is physical and my life is mentally.. emotionally I am dead atm.. except for a sinking feeling of dread.
posted by K at 3:30 PM
3 Comments:
k,
I am sorry I didn't get to chat with you today. Master has been working on blog work the last few hours. Your blog post sounded very sad. I hope you are feeling better soon...your often in my thoughts as well as SG.
BIG HUGS
~padme
K:
you are asking THE question (to resume dating or not).
and only you have the answer...
The important thing here is that by questioning yourself you are being very very responsible and mature.
This is the first step, and from here on, it is only a mater of being better.
have faith and look into yourself.
all the best!
M_I
thank you padme and M-I sorry I couldn't talk to you either Padme but all is well he comes first of course :)
M-I you can question everything but the only true answer you cna come up with is that which you derive from yourself.
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