Another day in the life...
So went out toa friends b-day party at a local pub. Band was good but I wasn't really feeling it. I wished her a happy b-day and bought her a shot of her choice and hung around for a bit listening to music but both Ansgar and I were kinda bored so we left. I decided to hit up my old roost. First time in a long time I had to pay cover coming in. Happens when they got so much new staff running around. Its not quite the same place it used to be. So many wannabe punks.. too many "I'm hot and I know it so you have to pay to get my time" type of women running around. True there was still some of the women I like to see there. Nice attractive women who are out with girlfriends and just want to dance and have a good time. Well thats what I was all about, dancing and having a good time.
Now before I've been questioned about how I am look to people on here or how I seem so I guess this is a good example. I lack confidence at times. I'm not some creep who goes up and says "Nice shoes wanna fuck?" That has no style and is incredibly stupid. I don't know. I always hesitate and second guess what I will say. In my mind I build up the confidence, figure out what to say and how to go from there and then when said woman comes around I choke up as the other part of my brain goes. OMG your going to look like an idiot! Well on this particular night there was this one female whom stood out from the rest. She seemed familiar as I might have seen her before. We made eye contact a few times and I got the idea to ask her to dance. Which, I never did. The signs were there and I am sure she was waiting for it, but after I hesitated for so long I knew it was a lost cause at said point. I know its just a question to ask to dance, but part of me fears the rejection as well. I am not overly great at taking it in stride at times. Sometimes its like water off a ducks back, other times it is very different and it can be a major blow at that point and I would find it hard to recover. It all depends on the night.
I think a great deal of the issue is that I am not 100% happy with who I am physically or intellectually. Sure I have my moments but other times I just absolutely fail. I wear nice clothes, wear good body spray and just do everything I can do to make myself look attractive and presentable. Sometimes I am successful, others times not so much. I look at myself and contemplate what I could do. I actually grew to like glasses and look good in them or so I am told. I was asked about contacts but I found them so very very difficult to get them in. That is just something with me and my eyes. As most may remember Nia commenting on my horrible teeth, well no I couldn't get braces when I was younger. I was actually freaked of the fact. Glasses were enough of a hassle when growing up. I might get them now.. since I have company benefits now, they may cover some of it. So we will see with that. Heck I might even go in for laser eye surgery if I can.. thats even more iffy.
More inner turmoil is the fact Ansgar and Brenna currently just put an offer on a house. The plan is for me to live in the basement in order to help with the mortgage payments. I had hoped to get a place in the area I am already in but to no avail. I loved the area and everything I need is right near me. The place they got is way out in the boonies, almost on the western edge of calgary. Its a really nice place and a steal of a deal for the most part. But I don't know.. I've kinda rooted myself to where I am now. I am just so unsure of it now that its actually most likely going to happen..
Now before I've been questioned about how I am look to people on here or how I seem so I guess this is a good example. I lack confidence at times. I'm not some creep who goes up and says "Nice shoes wanna fuck?" That has no style and is incredibly stupid. I don't know. I always hesitate and second guess what I will say. In my mind I build up the confidence, figure out what to say and how to go from there and then when said woman comes around I choke up as the other part of my brain goes. OMG your going to look like an idiot! Well on this particular night there was this one female whom stood out from the rest. She seemed familiar as I might have seen her before. We made eye contact a few times and I got the idea to ask her to dance. Which, I never did. The signs were there and I am sure she was waiting for it, but after I hesitated for so long I knew it was a lost cause at said point. I know its just a question to ask to dance, but part of me fears the rejection as well. I am not overly great at taking it in stride at times. Sometimes its like water off a ducks back, other times it is very different and it can be a major blow at that point and I would find it hard to recover. It all depends on the night.
I think a great deal of the issue is that I am not 100% happy with who I am physically or intellectually. Sure I have my moments but other times I just absolutely fail. I wear nice clothes, wear good body spray and just do everything I can do to make myself look attractive and presentable. Sometimes I am successful, others times not so much. I look at myself and contemplate what I could do. I actually grew to like glasses and look good in them or so I am told. I was asked about contacts but I found them so very very difficult to get them in. That is just something with me and my eyes. As most may remember Nia commenting on my horrible teeth, well no I couldn't get braces when I was younger. I was actually freaked of the fact. Glasses were enough of a hassle when growing up. I might get them now.. since I have company benefits now, they may cover some of it. So we will see with that. Heck I might even go in for laser eye surgery if I can.. thats even more iffy.
More inner turmoil is the fact Ansgar and Brenna currently just put an offer on a house. The plan is for me to live in the basement in order to help with the mortgage payments. I had hoped to get a place in the area I am already in but to no avail. I loved the area and everything I need is right near me. The place they got is way out in the boonies, almost on the western edge of calgary. Its a really nice place and a steal of a deal for the most part. But I don't know.. I've kinda rooted myself to where I am now. I am just so unsure of it now that its actually most likely going to happen..
posted by K at 9:42 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home