Words from the fort.

Well I've been here 6 days now (one of those days traveling here) Where here is, is fort McMurray alberta. So far things have been ok, weather has been horrible but other then that its been ok.

So I guess a good break from the drama and bs is story time! From the P.O.V of K. (No its not sugar coated or skipped around, its the grade A goodness straight from the chickens ass lol)
The restaurant we usually go to was closed sunday night due to no cook willing to cook. So JH (new guy we got working with us) E (another laborer) and I went crusin for some grub to fill our growling bellies. The Fort is well known for its multitude of bars/pubs/taverns and other alcohol related places. Mostly due to the fact that Fort mac has little to offer yet save alcohol and strippers lol (no I did not go to the strippers). So we go to this pub I was told about, unfortunately family day being tmw and it being sunday,it was closed. Have no fear in the same building but a separate business there was another pub, more of a bar actually (Its also joined with a strip joint as well. hmm..). So in we go! Once we fill out our menu's, yes we had to check mark what we wanted to eat. We ordered a few drinks and when it came to my turn to buy I paid the waitress, she handed me the change and I glanced at it. Now this is funny and horrible of me on the same note. I had a cold and was bagged so my mind wasn't functioning at that moment lol. I looked at the money and pocketed it. heard a "Well thanks buddy" I was like "what?" as the waitress walked away and it clicked. DAMMIT lol I forgot to tip her. A first for me really lol. I ended up chasing her down to give her a couple bucks for a tip. So that was a joke for the night.. the boys reminding me to tip lol.

So we drank a few rounds before the food arrived, it was slooow cooking it seemed lol. it was dead for the most part as expected on a sunday with a national holiday the following dead. Then 10 pm hit and bam everyone started showing up. We ended up playing some pool, met this cool guy named Simon, first simon I ever met! Go me. It was funny since he was dating one of the three sisters (apparently! although they didn't look overly alike to me) and we all chilled together. We were eventually challenged in pool by this woman (won't give her a letter as it is unlikely she will be brought up again) who had a very aggressive attitude and partially insulting.. scratch partially.. overly insulting attitude. Now.. normally I'd just roll my eyes and just not have any part. But I was drinking and in a good playful mood. I would banter with her and generally tease and play to get her on her heels (as in throw her off guard, not just take it all). Which was good because as I thought, her attitude was just a cover, as once I stood up and dished out as good as I recieved she became "very" interested and for the most part sat around me. I didn't really mind but wasn't overly interested anyways. Too much crap going on to really give much of a damn as to women. She eventually introduced my friends and I to her friend. lol Who took a real keen liking to JH, I think it was the "cute butt" lol.

So we were all ready to leave, my friends and I were invited out to party afterwards. Now.. its 2 am and we work the next morning at 8 am so I figured we would just go home and sleep, maybe another time. I get in the truck and let the guys know the girls wanted to party. LOL that was a mistake. Go get them then! So off I went into the bar again trailed by a few rcmp who were looking for someone apparently. I let the girls know, they bought a 12 pack and we all piled in to the truck (no we weren't driving drunk, the driver was sober) and headed back to the hotel where we ended up playing trapt (a good game to get people hammered if you have a good memory) I knew I drank too much so I refused (despite some rather demanding insisting) to take part in the third game (which never happened) JH and the female friend went back to his room where.. yah, and the woman and I chatted a bit before she went home in a cab. Not much happened, just wasn't really into it, plus it was 6 am and I was bagged. But it was a good first night out at the Fort!

I'll prolly have more stories to come as so far I've made a few friends, and maybe a few nights out are upcoming. Perhaps even a girls night out (that won't be so girls only lol) is in the books. But not another all nighter :( nope was bad news the next day or rather later that day. I plan on having as much fun as I can while I am here... its nice to get away and just forget things for a while.. just put it all in the past. I still think a great deal on it of course, but there isn't much I can do now really. I wish things were different but we'll see.

My minds eye at the moment

So here I am.. it has been a while since I posted, too long probably. Mostly due to me being in a diff city working. 10 days on 3 days off, and on those 3 days I try and get ready for the next spell of northern work, and seeing everyone I can to catch up and just chill. Basically make the most of my 3 days. So right now things are not looking at all great anymore. There is a little light from something new and I might go into that more, it might even be a saving grace really but will see how it goes.

On to the reason I am posting. I typed something up earlier but just deleted it out. I thought and rethought everything about how to exactly say simply what is going on. SG will without a doubt of that I am sure. If you don't know SG then you might just hafta figure it out in my archives as she is no longer linked on my page. I'm blabbing now so I'll cut to the chase so to speak. A lot has been going on and I couldn't figure out what to say here or to her or to anyone really, it wasn't untill one of my random 7-11 visits did I hear a song come on that basically says all that needs to be said. It was a kick to the ass and it surprised me. Now my thoughts on the song might be different.. to me its the loss of a friend of two people parting, to others it might be about suicide.. now hear me I am NOT suicidal, sure shits bad but I'm not like that. Here it is:



To me. I was told. Get some help and improve or else its all over. I was like ok I will, and even started making plans to get some form of help. Then I get back from working in Fort Mac (some of you might know about that town/city) to surprisingly enough an email telling me I have failed yet again. That I am out of chances. I thought on it and wondered just what the hell I did. I know recently it was about P having access to SG's blog. When she asked P did NOT have access to the blog, she might have known about it but near as I remember I never linked her or anything. Time went on, eventually I gave access of my Blog to P. I can only remember that as a way of P getting access to SG's blog. No I never thought about the link I don't think. I might have said thats Sg's blog in the links, do NOT look or something but I cannot remember that precisely. So rather then deny or try and figure out if I did or not. I accepted that I bumbled. This was quite some time ago. I was hoping for a fresh start since that is what everyone was apparently shooting for. For me to change and become who I can truly be, who I want to be. Then I get a severed friendship email after all this cofuffle (sp?) Now I am not saying anyone is right or wrong. Everyone does what needs to be done to make themselves happy. Sure it peeves me off that I don't think I was given a fair chance to actually prove that I am improving (I haven't seen SG since new years beside the big dicussion table with me. So an actual night out for enjoyment) I think the time in fort mac is helping really, I even took up writing a journal and was feeling very optimistic about myself. Hell when I first came back (last friday night) I went out and saw people whom I've always clashed with because I am either sometimes over the top or offensive, or they decide to just piss me off early. It almost always happens and I end up peeved and them peeved. However that night they enjoyed having me around, I ended up having an awsome night without a hitch, I even met some very awsome people as well. HELL, I even ran into Q whom I haven't had the best of thoughts of. I just shrugged and shook his hand, chatted a bit and was pleasant, I think it shocked him maybe as I noticed at times he would start to wander over to me to talk more but turn back around as if unsure. I don't know why but I think he was just curious about SG and wasn't sure if he should ask me about her or not.

Then the next day I get the email. I was furious, I was sick of the flip flopping and just so tired. I felt like I was lost. That I had worked for nothing. No no one saw the changes I was making even tho to me I saw them clear as day. Does anyone else get that? That things important to you go unnoticed or are just less important? I know one day isn't a huge thing in the great scheme of things but its SOMETHING, its a start. So after dealing with that all one would think I would be moody and easily pissy. I was, but my roomate and I talked a great deal and it helped a lot. Thats another thing, since a talk and me being more open with things he and I have been getting along a lot better and I know without a doubt that he would be there for me if I truly needed it, especially like last night. Anyways! He poured me a stiff drink and it felt nice, no I don't get drunk on one drink even if its really stiff.. and I suddenly was pumped. I was grinning a bit. I felt good, I felt light. So we went out to the pub I went to on friday and met a few of those I was hanging out with on friday as well, even a few other new people. I had a blast once more and never got moody once, heck I don't think I really thought about SG at all that night, other then when I was talking to the devout christian woman about religion and philosphy, I think so anyways (I did not however mention SG to her). I left content, pleased, and without a hitch. So two nights in a row and with one starting out crappy. Pretty good if "I" do say so myself, but be your own judges I guess.

This post has turned out to be pretty long so I'll cut it short here. I just felt that with a little more time to show.. things would have been awsome and there would be no more crap hitting the fan (since I have been behaving really well lately!) Oh well.. their loss really. I feel new since doing the fort mac spells. I just feel.. confident. I will prolly go into more on just why later on but I haven't slept yet at its 7am so I should get at least some sleep in before I make myself ill with how little sleep I've been getting these last few days. Perogie night tonight! I'll be seeing a good friend and MAYBE a few others. Will see! I leave tuesday morning so I'll try and post after I get back 10 days later :) Chat later and thanks for reading this all!