As the world turns

I know some of you.. probably all have read SG's blog and expect a response from me.. well.. your.. right this time lol. But perhaps not as you think. You either expect me to lash out, or be all sappy and "I shouldn't have done that I'm so stupid" well.. its not going to be like that. I did my little period of self hating and have moved on to this. What is this? I'll sure as hell tell you. :)

For starters yes. I fucked up, bad. Who's to blame? Well I could blame the other woman as she lied to me and manipulated the kinder side of me to get what she wanted. But I won't do that. I won't play the victim. I FUCKED up. I did. Sure she did and whoever else did but in regards to me that isn't important. What is important however is me. So that is what I will focus on.

So there I was. I had talked to this chick for about a month. It started off as a gaming interest with sexual flirting. All said and good, got to know each other and so forth. Life was good. She had problems but managing. Things were so far going VERY well for me and Sg and I was feeling rather optimistic about life. It probably helped in me dropping my guard. Anyways.. her and I (the female) lets call her.. hmm I dunno. Bitch, yah bitch is fine :D She doens't even deserve a letter in my opinion. There are too few letters to give out before you have to double up, and well. She isn't worthy! lol Anyways so there I was before the date.. things were being told and not much to me. I wanted to take my time, feel things out. Keep things simple. Prove I wasn't just about sex to her. Well we had dinner, it was good, got a few glasses of wine going and things were good. Walking back to my place (where she parked) to discover my neighbor blocking her in because he was pissed off with people parking in her space lol. Needless to say it got rememdied and he made the comment to me of "alright way to go adam"when he found out this was her first time meeting me. I don't know from that point things got out of hand. Its like i rationally shut down or something, maybe the wine helped I wasn't sure. But one thing led to another and 4 hours later.. yah eh. So the next day I get told a whole buncha things about her.. How she is not separated from her husband (lied to me about that) or at least wasn't acting like it (like still sleeping in the same bed and such) and that I was basically a use job to get back at her husband to tell him she's over him. LMAO great I said when I found out about that. Should I have seen this coming? Probably. Did I? No, I put too much faith in someone and let things ride out without thinking realistically. Sg was a different matter. It wasn't so bad I slept with her. But that I had told her I wasn't going to and did. Refresh memories? Yah I was an idiot and didn't connect to two together as a similar act. Once again probably because I didn't factor in the negetive things that could happen.

So now everythings basically all fucked. I am the only one to blame however. I didn't connect the two and I didn't think of what could go wrong, only what could go right. I also really didn't prove I wasn't about the sex there. So thats basically the story from my POV.

Now as for the aftermath of what I am going to do? SG has gracious decided to try being my friend still. That means so much to me I cannot explain. I rea;ized just how haphazardly I am living my life, and its going to change, time to step up and mature. Sure I used to pride myself on being more mature then many men my age. But thinking now I'm not better the some of them, I just try and hide my poor nature more. So no more of that. Its time for me to be who I can be. Not some sex crazed kid. I'm not a teenager virgin anymore. its time to start acting like an adult and being more realistic. Sure sex is great! But its not the do all end all. It isnt something that should be rushed into something. I'm realizing that as everytime I do, in all cases but one they have ended in disaster. So.. yah.. time to step up, pull up my socks and give up this path in life, because if I don't I'll be one helluva lonely man. I do not want that. So heres to me finally getting a fucking clue.

K signing off.