Who said fire and Ice never mixed?

Well its been some time since I posted.. what to write about hmm.. lets talk about myself some more! How drole right? Well tough :P

So far so good, alot has happened and yet I am still here.. surprising? Yes maybe a little. Lets start with last sunday. I was a bit leary about it all but it was a friend only thing with kids and such so I was looking forward to it. Got all prepped with pop, chips, appricots (they are good in small quantities), and beef jerky.. the norm lol.. So I get a call from SG when she's coming in and she was giggling and laughing.. why? She informed me that everyone there she has either kissed or been kissed by etc etc (scept for O but hmm maybe one day :P) I was immediately taken aback as I was not expecting this. I could have said no to going and backe dout, all would have been fine that way too. However I shook of the shock and was determined to go. Into the fire I say :). I classified this as a learning experience and a test of my current self. I was worried I would clam up and be shy or weird but contrary to my worries I did just fine if I do say so myself, and I do. I hit it off pretty well with everyone, except I never really talked to O and H much. But other then that I did rather well.. I started the fire with the wood I had brough and made it all nice and perfect for roasting marshmellows. Was alot of fun. I love taking care of the fireplace.. its the pyro in me maybe :). I'm not sure I guess I enjoy the evening more when I am doing something. SG did a wonderful job bbqing and it was a fantastic evenings.. I can't wait to do it again! :D

Other then that my week has been fairly dull.. Oh well I should actually point out I have been chatting with more people lately.. a few for friends and a few I have thoughts about getting closer. I've actually went on one date with a charming young woman who's company I enjoyed alot. I have plans with her again this sunday! :) I also know I might be slandered for saying this but I don't care I like to talk and I am doing so. Anyways.. this young woman does not know I am poly. I have not done anything intimate or other then hanging out to get a judge of her character and our compatability. I simply wish to ease into it a bit rather then just dump it on her. I must tell you however I so wished to tell her on our first date but it was too early.. I might this sunday or the third date but no later. I can't keep anything like that silent. But I hope good things come of this.. would be nice.

What else what else..Oh well.. I must admit that lately I have come to realize why I am an emotional person rather then a logical person like SG has become. I realized that despite being emotional and having moodswings.. sometimes being irritated that I am so emotional. I prefer it, I feel everything raw and true. Like Sg's love, its so strong and caring.. I feel it all. I don't choose to feel it well I do to a degree but I simply feel her love emotionally. I prefer being emotional as I feel more alive.. and less.. well mechanical? Incorrect term but SG isn't here to give me the right one so.. :P you get the gist :P Just how I am.

Update for now.. oh and as for fire and ice.. at the bbq we used ice to douse the fire :P

Out with the old.. in with the new!

Well SG and I had fun today! We went to IKEA! hehe.. I was kinda pumped but SG was like.. crazy pumped (mighta been the painkillers I dunno! :P) I saw some things I'd get if I owned my own place (want to rly now for that sole reason! lol) I'm surprised at how expensive certain things are.. like WTF! lol sure you spend alot of time in your bed but spending 80+ on a sheet?! Dear god. Sg thought that was being "practical" how the hell is spending that much on something you'll throw out eventually on a whim? I went for the el cheapo 12 dollar Plus GST ones. I spent enough getting the rest as is! :P I gotta say for once I felt I had better taste then SG :P As much as she'll hate me say that.. she wants for a bedcover a pukey green wierd swirly style.. I was like.. wth! lol (what the hell fyi... for your info fyi lol) But I picked out the "least ugly one of the ugly ones" as SG put it. I liked it.. was dark navy blue with a plaid or sqaure shaped design. I go for the more singular colored then flashy mulitcolor things I guess.

So we get through checkout and drive back to my place. Where she offhandishly informs me the restrictions are lifted fully. I gotta say.. I've never moved a disassembled bed into my house so fast LOL! However SG wanted to set up the bed first before the fun time. I was like ok lets do it.. fast lol. I sat there and watched her put it together helping her every so often. Not because I'm lazy. SG just really prefers to build things alone lol. She did very well and only realized afterwards she forgot the bolts and supports for the center beam. Ah well not really all that needed! Trust me! we erm.. tested :D it's a sturdy build. Now I actually have a bed not two fouton cushions (just what I used.. was free.. and it worked befter then the floor.. I have or rather had a waterbed getting shipped to me from when I lived up north. Turns out it was broken before it could get shipped. Peeved me off) Anyways moving on. It was hot I'll give you that. I'd go into detail but I fear I'd not do enough of a adequite job. SG likely will. So all in all this long weekend turned out so utterly WONDERFUL! Its funny how one simple visit from SG can make my world so bright and wonderful. I am truly lucky to have such an amazing woman. In knowing that I don't believe I could love any other more then I love SG. I hope everyones weekend was equally as wonderful! Dream wonderfully and live the dream whatever it may be!

P.s As for the rules I will stoutly adhere to them without falter. I have no intention of breaking them. I will lose far too much. I'll not gamble so foolishly any more. Its a beneficial slap to the face that needed to happen to realize how foolish I was. Now with my determination in hand and desire to have this relationship in the other. I will do my best to make this relationship as wonderful as it can possibly be. If it can get any more wonderful that is!

Progress so far..

Well I guess no one wants to give me life stories or anything :( No help? damn u! :P kidding well had to ask its all good you don't wish to divulge that information. So far I am managing good.

Well thought I would keep you all updated.. I'm proud of myself today yet not as much as I would like. SG just went out to go on a date with H. I was really ok with it and encouraged her to have a good time. I'm not so sure on the intimacy part like deeper things I mean. Kissing they have done and I've been cool with that.. so long as she comes to me first rather then reading about it in her blog but what can you do. I feel I have made some great strides and have even surprised myself. Jealousy it seems that butterfly/sick feeling in the stomach you get? I don't get it no more it seems. Its just gone, I am so relieved I hated that feeling so much. So even if I cannot handle this type of relationship, which I can't see why not now. I have grown so much and can truly be a better man.

True its not smooth sailing, we've hit some storms and had some near misses. But we are here and going stronger then ever. I still have a few lingering feelings oof neglect, such as her ability to alter her schedule and replan with H makes me wonder why that free time isn't spent on me. Then I realize she's only getting that free time on grace of changing plans with others like J, V, or family. Its summer and its hectic for her and I am trying to be patient we had all agreed I would get 2 days a week but so far its lucky if I get one. I'm ok with that as real life family, work comes first really and we take what time we can get. I take what time I can get with SG. Of course I wish it were more but thats just not possible and it befalls me to be patient. Something I feel I am strong in, well some of the time anyways lol. Today however I was not so patient today I got frustrated and wounded. I was confessing a few issues (as mentioned above the neglect and worries that being all bad with me would make her want to spend more time with say H rather then me). To me it was important however SG did not realize. I would get slow responses and assumed to much. I asked what she was doing to keep her so busy she simply stated she was talking to H and another friend. Now, heres where things went wrong.

First thought in my mind: "

What!? I'm trying to have a serious discussion and work out some issues and you just want to go talk with your other guys???"

Sg's Intentions: trying to be helpful to me and understanding while maintaining a busy household and other convo's.

Outcome: Me getting upset going away from PC for a moment before coming back to work things out and trying to keep a cool head (was mostly successful but SG could tell I wasn't happy)

In the end we worked it out. We realized the issues and are working on them. Everyone can always improve. We are no different. We are doing our best to improve our relationship and who we are to become completely happy.

Now there is an issue here. I'm waiting on SG alot. I don't have anyone else to really talk to, and I have humored the idea more and more about finding a secondary Poly or mono (if she can accept my polyness)to spend my other time with. This would help ALOT I am sure it would take the strain off of SG and I as now I won't feel so dependant on SG for my attention.. true I want as much as I can get but I don't want to hound or overwhelm her with that need. Someone else, whom I can go do things with and give me some new experiences might be the key I need. Its just a thought, also is there anywhere really where you can find other poly/mono-poly accepting people? like a site? I know I read on a LJ on poly that there is at least one (no addy there) have thought about browsing. Its not like I can go out and ask anyone if they accept poly.

Also I would like to ask opinions. A thought I have had about becoming more and more comfortable with SG's relationship with H leads me to the thought that he and I don't really talk. He and SG talk alot (I assume could be very wrong) and its been a few months. What I am asking is. Do you believe that if H and I began talking and gaining a understanding and bond with each other, like just gettting a better feel for each other, do you believe it would help or hinder my process of becoming more accepting of SG and his relationship? Just a thought..


Oh so far SG and H have been on 3 dates.. (tonight is the fourth) first date there was a light kiss, second a longer kiss (no tongue), 3rd was a kiss with tongue, I predict tonight they will make out :D. Come on its the process of things :P I'd bet money but I'm not a betting man (I lose wayyy too much). LOL just a random thought I had tonight. Ah well I've ranted for long enough, Adios!